We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
