I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
don't judge my taste in strippers
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
