We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
no you cant smoke seaweed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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