woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize