i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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