he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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