In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
