I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
