i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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