so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
