i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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