The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
