You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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