Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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