Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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