people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize