Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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