On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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