FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
