so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
