"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
