I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
