Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
