I think scott just propositioned me for sex
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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