I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize