I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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