Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
