I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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