your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
True but thats because hes a fetus.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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