Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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