im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
