I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
