my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
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