i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
