you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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