Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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