Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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