My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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