Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
