i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
