Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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