Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
