did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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