If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
