Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
