..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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