8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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