Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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