New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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