I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Randomize
