He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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