i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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