if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize