Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
