Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
