halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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