just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
