You made me cry and you don't even care
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
