dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
