foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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