this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
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