she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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