It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
