my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
