i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
