I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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